User talk:HayleyR
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Depths page. Please be sure to read all of the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. You can also read some of the best stories our wiki has to offer by checking out Suggested Reading. Finally, you can check out stories written by authors of the wiki in User Stories. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! ClericofMadness (talk) 14:48, October 31, 2018 (UTC) Story Help I am leaving this message here in response to your request for help on your story. I did this because I don't want to fill your comment section with long posts. A good paragraph breaks when you have concluded an idea, scene, or theme that you are talking about. *Example: I used to love exploring caves. Something about the darkness has always called out to me. And I mean I’ve always been an adventurous type, never to fear anything. And maybe that’s why I love scaring myself senseless. Whether it be journeying through some distant dark cave or just a casual Friday night watching horror movies by myself or with my friends. That all changed once I found them. I encountered them while on one of my caving adventures. They were not meant to be found by man.I suppose I should start from the beginning and introduce myself. My name is Alice, and I am currently twenty years old and am a student studying to be a pediatrician. I don’t know exactly what but I’ve always felt that I was meant to help people and I love working with children, and I have a natural tendency to work well with kids. I currently live in Trinidad, Colorado so I’m used to nature and vast bits of land overrun with vegetation. My obsession with adventure honestly started at a young age. I always loved pretending to be a brave explorer finding never before seen places. Places of riches and wonders like El Dorado or the lost city of Atlantis. I always had an amazingly vivid imagination that helped me create my abandoned cities of gold chock full of treasures and traps. Not that my imagination has died at all, but once you start growing up you start seeing things the way they really are. Anyway, as I said I used to be a caver, and I loved it with all my heart. I originally started adventuring through small caves with my uncle, these caves were always close by and reasonably safe. And besides I had my uncle with me in case anything happened. This was when I was around fourteen years old, and good lord the world opened up to me when I started caving! The expansive darkness of the caves and the thoughts of discovering something never before seen always had me on the edge, excited and ready to see something amazing. As I grew up I became more independent and started making friends who shared my interests in exploring, specifically Audrey and Trinity. They were my best friends through all of high school. Audrey and Trinity had a great sense of adventure like I did. We explored all of town together on our bikes, since they lived in the same neighborhood. We always wanted to go caving together but only got to go a couple of times before. We were all exceptionally well at exploring caves as well and were always accompanied by an adult at the time so nothing ever happened. Anyway, after my most recent incident with caving my entire outlook on caving changed… Hell, my outlook on the beings that can exist in this world has changed. Now, I just copied your first long paragraph and broke it into four reasonably sized ones that are easier to read and understand. I still think the second paragraph is too long but it is all one train of thought. Some of the information you provide in that segment is unnecessary to your story, so you might want to trim it down a bit to what is important that the reader knows. Second, anytime someone speaks in a story you should break. *Example: The sounds of flesh being ripped and torn off of bone filled came from the crawl space. “ALICE HELP ME” yelled Trinity as she emerged from the crawlspace. At this point I could only assume that Audrey was gone. Trinity ran out as fast as she could but she had shards of glass all inside of her arm. Had Audrey swung at one of the things and accidentally hit Trinity? It seems she also had a wound on her leg because she was significantly limping. Finally I snapped out of my trance and regained control of my body. I turned and ran, "I’m so sorry Trinity." I heard her cries all throughout the staircase as I ascended. She would have weighed me down with her injuries anyway, and I wanted to make it out alive…or so I thought at the time. Note: You use elipses (...) a lot in your story too. I understand the reason people use them but they are messy. Find a way to draw out that dramatic element without using them. Like the last sentence above, you don't even need it to get the point across. The scene has made the suspense for you. Format your story better first and more people will read it and give you an honest critique. I would also suggest running through Grammarly.com to see if there are any grammar or spelling errors before reworking it. This will allow the reader to get a better understanding of your work and can give you better support. Good luck and don't hesitate to ask questions! L0CKED334 (talk) 21:07, October 31, 2018 (UTC) Story deletion Your story has been deleted because it doesn't meet the wiki's quality standards. If you feel that it did meet the standards, please state your case on Deletion Appeal. Make sure you follow the instructions to the letter there, or your appeal will be automatically denied. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REUPLOAD YOUR PASTA. If you upload it again, you'll receive a 1-day ban from editing, as per the rules. Read the Deletion FAQ and our Style Guide for Writing for details on the 'what' and 'why' of the deletions we make. Read this guide and these blog posts for further details on how you can improve your story/stories to make them meet our quality standards. For additional help, submit your story to the Writer's Workshop for feedback. MrDupin (talk) 12:25, November 3, 2018 (UTC)